The Morning After

"Urgh, splitting headache. What did we end up drinking last night?"

"I don't know but whatever it was it got us wasted."

"I tried to tell her we'd regret having those shots in the morning, but she never listens to me after the first two."

"Ah, it was worth it. The girls at the bar were hot... and they were buying the drinks, it would be rude to refuse."

"When she opens her eyes she's going to regret it even more. I don't even want to think about how we are going to get out of bed. She couldn't even hear us after after those...what do you call them? Jaegerboobs?"

"Jaegerbombs - and yeah, they go down a treat. She always busts a move on the dance floor after she's had a few of those."

"Oh she was dancing all right, but was it OK to dance with all those girls? I don't think those last two were impressed with sharing her attention."

"You worry too much. It's important for her to let loose after working so hard."

"Perhaps a little too loose. Where are we anyway? I do not recognise this room"

"Wherever we are, we should stay here a little longer. It's warm and comfortable. Perhaps the headache will go if we get her to drift back off."

"Hang on - Why are we so warm? What is this source of heat behind us? Oh no! Don't tell me we're not alone?"

"Ah ha! Score! Even when she's plastered, she can still pick up."

"This is not good. Remember that time when she picked up that German girl - what was her name? Daniella? - she hung around for weeks until she got the hint that weren't into her. It was painful watching the two of them every time they bumped into each other at a bar or in town."

"I admit that was a mistake - how were we to know she would be so clingy? It's not like they have a label on them anywhere - a big neon sign that hovers above their heads and flashes with a 'Don't go there - it's not worth it.' No, we just have to trust our gut with these girls."

"But half the time she's so wasted she doesn't even know she's got a gut, until she's losing its contents after a big night out."

"What can I say - hindsight is a wonderful thing. But that's neither here nor there. The German's gone and we are warm here in bed. Lets just stay here a little longer - what are the odds that she'd be as mad as that, huh?"

"It would be just our luck. Ugh. I think we need a plan to get her out of here. Perhaps if we get her to do a slow slide out the bottom of the bed, she can just sneak out. Perhaps whoever in bed with us won't remember this hook-up either and we can go about it like it never happened. Good plan, huh?"

"Rather idealistic. Firstly, who could forget a hook-up with us? I mean - come on. Second, there is the matter of the arm. I mean, that is seriously draped over us, we are trapped. There is no way that she's going to be able to shimmy out of this one undetected. No. We'll just have to wait until the arm-owner rolls over or something. Until then, I recommend you chill out and enjoy resting our slightly incapacitated heads a while longer."

"No, seriously. This is not OK - we need to get out of here. You're the risky one, how should we approach this?"

"You're not going to let this go, are you? Right, well. The only way I see us getting out from here is to lift the arm gently off us, and at the same time shifting forward to let the hand drop behind us, ending with a drop-roll off the bed. If we do this quickly, arm-owner won't wake up. What do you think?"

"I think your plan is flawed. But it's a plan, and we don't have time to mess around. Wake her up. Do it quick we can get out of here, back home and into a bath with a nice cup of peppermint tea."

"Peppermint tea? You've got to be kidding? Bloody Mary's on the breakfast menu are the only way you will get me to willingly wake her up."

"Fine, but remember that drinking got us into this mess in the first place."

"Alright, alright. Keep your panties on. Alright. One. Two. Three. Oh shit"